I am in mourning. Yes, it's true.....all of my kids are in school full time. I can't believe it. I know what you are thinking......"celebrate, be happy, you've waited for this." Yeah right!!! Only those of you who have been through it can truly understand my sadness. I thought I'd be okay. After all, Shay started Kindergarten last year, but for those of you who know....I suffered through that one as well. But this time it's worse. I have had kids home with me for over 15 years and I don't know how to react to so much alone time and quiet.
The first day, they all got on the bus and within minutes, I stretched out on the couch and watched the Today Show and Good Things Utah and I didn't even have to have the volume set at 47 to hear it. But after an hour or two of TV, I felt lost. I stared at the four walls and sat in the silent house. Sure, I have been home alone before....but it never quite felt like this.
Day two started out worse. Shane noticed a distinct difference in my mood right as he was leaving for work. After I burst into tears, he tried to console me but I was set on my pity-party and no one, not even he could change my mind. After cleaning up breakfast and looking around the house again, I decided that I had to get out of here. I ran some errands and when finishing up at Walmart, I found myself in a sea of women.....but either they were old (Grandma types) or they were young (mother's with babies in the cart). None of them seemed to be ladies that I could relate to. That made me feel even more alone.
I know most of you are thinking, "Oh Brother...she's a basket case." But I guess the few that may understand me can help me through this process. I love this time. I can find things to do, right? I remember about ten years ago when Nick went to Kindergarten, the teacher (who was an older woman....you know like in her mid-30's.) gave the mothers a surgical glove, painted very creatively and told us that it was the hand we could hold because our child had left the nest and was off to school. What a farce, I thought. I had plenty of hands to hold and noses to wipe and diapers to change, laundry to do, toys to pick up..... You get the picture. I still had two tiny children at home and thoughts of having more. I thought she must be crazy. But now, knowing what I know, I fully understand. Where is that silly surgical glove when you need it?
I'll be honest, part of the last 15 years was spent day dreaming about doing something for me....you know like taking piano lessons for me, or reading a book for me, getting a fun job for me. Well, now I want to spend more carefree days with the kids home....all for me. Where is the irony in all of this? I guess I can only say, "ENJOY every minute of every day" because time flies and pretty soon the whole surgical glove thing makes sense after all.