Thursday, August 21, 2008

Empty Nest, Surgical Gloves and Piano Lessons??!!!

I am in mourning.  Yes, it's true.....all of my kids are in school full time.  I can't believe it.  I know what you are thinking......"celebrate, be happy, you've waited for this."  Yeah right!!!  Only those of you who have been through it can truly understand my sadness.   I thought I'd be okay.  After all, Shay started Kindergarten last year, but for those of you who know....I suffered through that one as well.  But this time it's worse.  I have had kids home with me for over 15 years and I don't know how to react to so much alone time and quiet.  
The first day, they all got on the bus and within minutes, I stretched out on the couch  and watched the Today Show and Good Things Utah and I didn't even have to have the volume set at 47 to hear it.  But after an hour or two of TV, I felt lost.  I stared at the four walls and sat in the silent house.  Sure, I have been home alone before....but it never quite felt like this. 
Day two started out worse.  Shane noticed a distinct difference in my mood right as he was leaving for work.   After I burst into tears, he tried to console me but I was set on my pity-party and no one, not even he could change my mind.  After cleaning up breakfast and looking around the house again, I decided that I had to get out of here.  I ran some errands and when finishing up at Walmart, I found myself in a sea of women.....but either they were old (Grandma types) or they were young (mother's with babies in the cart).  None of them seemed to be ladies that I could relate to.  That made me feel even more alone.  
I know most of you are thinking, "Oh Brother...she's a basket case."  But I guess the few that may understand me can help me through this process.  I love this time.  I can find things to do, right?  I remember about ten years ago when Nick went to Kindergarten, the teacher (who was an older know like in her mid-30's.) gave the mothers a surgical glove, painted very creatively and told us that it was the hand we could hold because our child had left the nest and was off to school.  What a farce, I thought.  I had plenty of hands to hold and noses to wipe and diapers to change, laundry to do, toys to pick up.....  You get the picture.  I still had two tiny children at home and thoughts of having more.  I thought she must be crazy.  But now, knowing what I know, I fully understand.  Where is that silly surgical glove when you need it?  
I'll be honest, part of the last 15 years was spent day dreaming about doing something for know like taking piano lessons for me, or reading a book for me, getting a fun job for me.  Well, now I want to spend more carefree days with the kids home....all for me.  Where is the irony in all of this?  I guess I can only say, "ENJOY every minute of every day" because time flies and pretty soon the whole surgical glove thing makes sense after all.


The Jacklins said...

I'm not officially there but I feel your pain! I'm clinging to my last year with Abbie! Maybe Bajio's would help you feel better...when do you want to go?! :)

Tara said...

Oh sweetie... I know, take Pepper Ray for the week!!You won't feel so sad. She's a little MONSTER. I'm reading your post and taking your advice. Thinking about you today.

Momma Paulson said...

Hang in there Heather! It does get better and before you know it, you will be busy as ever! :)

atki family said...

Oh honey! Give it a week and you will start thinking that from 8:30 to 3:30 is great time for me to do whatever I want!! It's great. Lets go to lunch!!!

Shelley said...

I understand the emptiness and agree with Julie! The time will get filled with very fun and worthwhile activities!! Lunch is always in order though--put me on your list of lunch dates!!

cathi6 said...

Heather are by far THE SWEETEST mom I have ever met..can I just tell you what an AMAZING example you are to me? Thanks for being a great friend and inspiration. I know so many people who just jump for joy when their kids leave, it's so refreshing to know there are still moms out there who totally love their families...WAY TO GO!! It's good that you feel this way, it means you really are through and through a great person!

P.S I have a box of surgical gloves I will gladly donate!! Let's all do lunch!!! But I will have to bring my little tag alongs!!